#PopularPlay: Courtney Paige Nelson
Aug 14, 2020
We are thrilled to be releasing the new single “Saved Myself” from the beautiful Courtney Paige Nelson. Released today, the single is full of raw emotions backed with an important message from the artist.
“This song is the third part of ‘my story’ with my singles I have put out. It’s the closing chapter of my story on my EP. I wrote ‘Saved Myself’ to explain how I was/felt after going to treatment”, says Courtney.
The artist started as a singer at the age of 27 while singing karaoke, after a long career as a model – many people know her from America’s Next Top Model. That experience is part of what drives Courtney to be vulnerable with her audience about the pressures of perfection in the modeling world and the same pressures she faces day to day. “So many people left my life when I went to treatment because in society we still have a major stigma with mental illness. People are scared of what they don’t understand and what they haven’t been exposed to or experienced for themselves.”
The singer opened up to Popular TV about her early life, message behind her new releases, and opens upfor the first time about her battle with BPD.
1. Tell us about your new single ‘Saved Myself’. What was the writing process like for this song
This song was a bit of a hectic writing process. It was a lot of back and forth, changing the sounds, making it different, and making sure the lyrics weren’t too dark. It’s the third part of my three-song story. I guess you could call it the ‘closing chapter’ in the story of my journey with mental health. The first song, ‘Sorry I’m Not Perfect’ was about my side and story of a relationship that ended and broke my heart. The second song ‘Better Now’ was my experience of checking myself into a residential treatment center when I tried to take my own life. The third and final song ‘Saved Myself’ is about getting out of treatment, having more strength than before, and being your own support system through it all.
2. Was music something that called to you over time more than other artistic avenues or did you just know at some point?
Funny enough, I have ZERO background in music and writing. I didn’t even graduate from high school. This is always a shock to most people since usually, people fall into music because of something that called them when they were younger or an outside influence. But, I didn’t have that opportunity until I was 27, because I didn’t know that opportunity even existed for me. I didn’t know I had talent, I didn’t know the poetry that I wrote for fun would become lyrics, I didn’t know music theory or anything about music. I never felt a sense of true purpose until I found music. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me now. I fully believe there are things you are meant to do and give back to the world. Music is mine.
3. Was your song ‘Sorry I’m Not Perfect’ in reference to a specific instance?
That first song was about my side of the story and my perspective of my breakup with an ex. He started dating someone he had been talking to while we were together within one week of breaking up with me and going back to Australia to wait for his Visa to the US. They ended up moving back here together and the last thing he said to me over text was “I’m sorry I found someone more perfect then you” which is why I called the song ‘Sorry I’m Not Perfect’ because It’s one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me just one month after coming out of treatment from trying to take my own life.
4. In reference to your song ‘Sorry I’m Not Perfect’, social media has taken over a lot of our day to day lives. How much of an influence is social media to your life?
I used to post every day because I wanted to stay relevant. Now, I post maybe 2-3 times a week. I realized what I’m putting out into the world is art, and I can’t make that by taking a selfie. If I don’t feel like it’s a good mental health day for me, or I just can’t find the time… then I won’t post.
5. You previously stated that ‘Saved Myself’ was the closing chapter of this story. What exactly is the story you want to push with your music?
The first thing I listen for in a song is the lyrics. I like to relate to an artist through their words. So for me, it’s important that what I’m putting out there makes you feel everything. I want you to scream, cry, feel ecstatic because my words are matching up with something you’ve gone through or are currently going through. Music is the one thing that comforts us when we are completely alone with our thoughts. It’s the one thing you can quietly relate to without explaining why you’re feeling the way you are. I’m also a huge advocate for mental health and I want people to see what I went through and know I’m struggling too. You’re not alone.
6. You’ve opened up about your struggles with mental health including your fight with BPD. Stars like Pete Davidson and Madison Bailey have both spoken out about it recently as well. What does it mean to you to haven’t his collection of stars around you battling the same thing?
This will be my first public announcement of having BPD. I didn’t get diagnosed properly til I went to treatment. I read up on it and was like ‘Well, that explains a lot’ haha. I don’t have full BPD, I have ‘Discouraged BPD tendencies’ so I suffer from always feeling inadequate, and the problem even if the issue has nothing to do with me. So I tend to over apologize for things. I think BPD is the one Mental Health diagnosis that needs to be talked about MUCH more. People google it, don’t do enough research, and immediately cancel you out as being unstable. The reality is we just feel everything 10 times more and want to be loved overall. When you meet me and even get close to me, you’d never know I suffer from it. I also went to counseling and take medicine to help myself not over animate my emotions. So I’m sure that helps. There’s something so comforting about big-name stars coming out and talking about it. So I hope someone reads this and knows it’s more normal then you think.
7. Tell us something most people don’t know about you.
My favorite animals are flamingos and whales.
8. What is a question you wish you got asked more?
’Want to go to Disneyland?’
I’m a huge Disney fan.